and then
excuse
from
pain
||
.prelude to prayer.
Meeting at bizarre bar
pandora’s box
crying.shattering
mirror with hammer
pride rock
be a man
on your own
two feet
it is beautiful
unavoidable
to carry
the women
you love
but for now
take off everything
that is theirs
&stand on this
earth with me
adam&eden
[humble ass shoes]
MOUNTAIN
monastery
frame of sesshin
moshin
[spiel]
eyes quickly scan
drink me in
.like a mouse
looking for a way in.
strange girl
every morning
alarm at 3
head down the hill
to silent grounds
shower
silence
dewy grass
remove
humble(ass)shoes
greet the sky
downward dog
warrior one
warrior two
peaceful warrior
flow
repeat sequence
look up to my warrior.muse
smile.smirk.tease
so
my beloved
are ( Y O U )
a warrior
or not?
.you're a bold
kid,
allison.
so what's
your real name?
robert
but my mama
calls me bobby
(smiling.wide)
what do you
call you?
work practice in the garden
shovel compost weeds
into wheelbarrow
push up hill
past kept bees'
electric fence
over roots&rocks
to dump by dried up
stream
a slight mist
a rhythm
the third ascent
to the left
a buddha
ringed round
with wood
constant vigilance
present awareness
mind returns
to worry
[parasite]
anxiety builds
to a climax
I CAN'T
escapes my lips
as my body exerts
.stop the fucking presses --
run that by me again.
you should
have come
we sat by
the water
in the light
of the moon
.oh man.
i read your
scroll
.come again?
basic space retreat
walking meditation
through cemetery
who holds you?
the garden
separating
baby lettuce
yukon
taps my third eye
tip brushes unibrow
knocked back to earth
i am human
buddha of willendorf
exit the doors
look left then right
ankle buckles below
.the road rises to meet me.
drum circle
rose&gjon
are you ready
to boogie?
he shrugs.shakes head
i think
i'll sit
this one
out
another day
i dance alone
shy at first
not about me
i wiggle
on the periphery
.allison.
.meet me in.
.camera
three.
go
be
( y o u )
be
free
.you right
you right.
- come on men -
as i wiggle round
- make me whole again
with your blessed sound -
let's see what we're working with
reentering monastery
my foot snags on the chain
my body hits the ground
again
[aDAm(Becoming)eDEn]
VALLEY
[bear]
i will not be bridled
so how was
the monastery?
it was good
- spiel -
i steal a fry
this transgression
he allows
sample
his pumpkin beer
he looks bewildered
my gluttony is clear
so living
with andrew
has been
amazing
we transcended
language
another blank stare
.
.
.
back at his place
the two of us
puff off to
space
the WOMAN that
cOMMAnds
appears
she stands erect
hands crossed behind
as angry andres
paces round
i want to hear
your music
you said you
would let me
&now i want to
his eyes are wide
intense
dead set
no. you never
just listen
you don't
respect
how i feel
i was excited
to hear what
you learned
at the monastery
&you're talking
about this
magic bullshit
ode to eva
he taught you
unconditional
love
.damn
she's
absolutely
right.
&nobody
nobody
knew
any
better
dan
i hate being
the woman
who waits
hour passes hour
where is he?
first morning light
key in the door
he enters
beaming
come outside
.why?
he looks down at me
expectantly
so what happened?
you can't see
my fat lip?
- video –
Constance
Dan&constance
At molasses
Manifesto
will
Party
Storm – story
Drum.dance
Remembering why i
Indulge
Yo I’m at your party
.i'm gonna
feel my
goddamn
feelings.
(snarl)
.i smell
a rat.
animal.kingdom
visit the place
i once called
home
walking beneath
(M) train on Myrtle
breath catches
heart stops
legs part above
a bird
wings splayed
&broken
body burst
&bleeding
grounding vision
[drew]
hatha
a sound escapes
with every pose
.there are sounds
my body needs
to make.vibrate.
breathing deep
my heart exposed
walk to tea
drunk birthday pair
she’s an angel
he grabs the crook
of my arm
tugs close
reels me in
she’s mine
.let's not get
too hasty.
drunken he
insists
i know
i can tell
pulls me close
wine soaked hug
you're so beautiful
don't let him hurt you
come on
his semi.sober
friend
cuts in
let's leave them
to their night
&continue yours
over tea
hand holding hand
holding heart
(sheepish)
i fade
drift
he holds me
close
no
stay
with
me
{the get down}
you can judge
the character
of a man
by his
willingness
t o b o o g i e
looking.hoping
to see the other he
the closest match :
tall dreaded blond
open shirted.necklaced
.you really
think that
i'd be here?
.you right
you right.
flashing lights
fog machine
make out
in the back
subway ride
headed home
.if she wants to
she will roam.
so are you
coming
with me?
i think
i might
i'm curious
i'm curious
to see
what's under
here --
tugs gently
at my scarf
my coat
.i will float
until i learn
how to swim.
i know&know
it's still not
h i m
my
one&only
[one.night.stand]
after the frenzy
let the clothing
hit the floor
this is
about
you
look up into
true blue eyes
.i miss&need
what i've
never had
beloved
i am now
real good
at being
bad.
sound catches
strangled
in my throat
i just
needed
to feel --
hands gripping tight
waist>hips>thighs
lips hovering
following
you need
to be told
you're
beautiful
hot exhale
against
soft belly
you're so
beautiful
waking the next morning
first thing that i see
orion looking down at me
i did it just to prove i could
.but are you
happy
baby girl?
- you know -
NO
please
.please.
please
i don't want
to play
games
anymore
i only want to
be good
bUbble.bUbble
deep.inhale
free movement
m e d i t a t i o n
i take my body
through a few
noncommittal
yoga poses
a surge of energy
flows through
i descend
fold
arms
extended
child's pose
a vision of true clarity
white of above
red of below
to meet inside of me
a presence behind
swings both arms back
to lock between my legs
slams forehead.hard
onto the floor
release
- a beat -
andrew
at the door
presence in the room
big gentle shape above
surrounds me
my beloved
at last
has found me
say it straight
simple
and with a smile
-refuge-
at her apartment
brought soup&joint
generosity
himalayan salt
picnic dinner
the lock on the door
i just
watched
this video
that explains
how to pick a lock
i wish i had
practiced
(shrug.smile)
life is practice
he nods
face set
determination
good music
pipe is passed
we dance
while
he works
at last
.click.
the door swings in
success
talent hour
joe.guitar
constance.uke
lap dance
the reflection
of two more
comfortable
with sex
the turn
to me
i sit across
four sets of eyes
intent.watch me
breathe in.
then out.
- begin -
dan
for everything
and more
the knock
on the door
forevermore
rest my head
on his shoulder
hold me in his arms
heart beat
alya
please god
tell me
what do
i do
with my
tongue
god
?
will
meeting in molasses
impassioned speech
remember to move
hate to break it to you
but you are human
there's nothing you
can do about that
you can't control time
it just goes
aren't you a writer?
go write
just be brave
george
so who
do you
write
for?
(defiantly)
myself
bullshit
everybody
creates for
that one
person
who
will
get
it
.dammit.
i cannot break free
it’s always
&forever
( h e )
premo
words
jason
you just need a booster
head bent over oils
madison street
no longer human
medium is the massage
dictee
andres
nothing you can say
can stop me going
home
is that jesus?
sheepish
no
(edon.adan)
words.words.words
the lesson i have learned&learned&learned of late :
a warrior knows how to wait
patience - for me - is maddening
the fool persists – [ of thee ] i sing
the cell theater
march 24th @ 7PM
hope you are warm&well
so that you will hear me
this has been a year of humility and gratitude. i am creating a one woman show - i had the honor of performing it last week. it begins with my manifesto [to my liberal arts degree] and ends with a lovesong [i pledge allegiance to your heart]. i intend to send the video of my performance to a few professors - as apology.gratitude.explanation. for the sake of transparency i send it to you first : do you have eleven minutes and eleven seconds to consider my poem?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d8zu9p6gWS0
i watch my words
from a long way off
they are more yours
than mine
before you
they peopled
the solitude
you now occupy
they are more
accustomed
to my lunacy
in my barren land
you are the final rose
ah you who are silent
your breast is enough for my heart
&my wings for your freedom
you are peopled
with echoes &
nostalgic voices
even so
something sings
in these fugitive words
something sings
something climbs
to my rapacious mouth
oh to be able to celebrate you
with all the words of joy
i want
to do with you
what spring does
with the cherry trees
- Pablo Neruda (remix)